Welcome, Charlie

Dear Charlie,
You have been here with us for six weeks now, here on the outside.  Outside the walls of the cozy container in which you grew.  Inside this container is where you were when we came to know about you - in my body, which had already begun making room for you.  We then prepared our hearts, our lives, and our home, so that there would be room and we could contain you in those places, too.  Our smallish 3 bedroom townhouse has been reconfigured.  We have sorted and cleaned and purged things we no longer needed, in preparation for your arrival.  So we too, have been reconfigured and transformed by the idea of you, and now by your actual presence.  Now that  you are here on the outside.

I thought it would be more challenging to make the space that you would require... but it's not hard to make space for something you love so much.

You've only just arrived, but it somehow feels like you've been here all along.

We are all still adjusting, in many ways, to the newness of you.  To how small you are, and how we have to learn all over again how to care for one so fragile.  To your round-the-clock schedule, because you still need us so close.  To the tiny cries and sweet sounds that you make; they dance on the strings of our hearts and communicate so much.   To caring for you in addition to your big sister, and how to balance the intensity of it all.  But you are adjusting to us, as well.  Figuring out who we are, and why the three of us keep appearing in your blurry, farsighted, newborn view.  To our sounds, our smells, and the feel of our touch.  Figuring out that in our care, your needs are being met.  We are here for you.  You are safe,  you are fed, you are nurtured, you are loved.   (I cannot stop kissing your squishy little cheeks and your perfect mouth, your sweet belly, your adorable toes.  With me - a Quinones - as your mom, you will not suffer lack of physical affection.  I apologize in advance for your teenage years).

Your big sister, Hazel, is still working on all her feelings about your arrival.  She probably will for some time.  She has these moments of kindness and sweetness towards you, which make my heart do flips in my chest.  But sometimes she gets upset... especially when we have to take care of your immediate need before her not-so-immediate need.  Like stopping a game that we are playing in order to feed you.  She is still too young to comprehend the changes.  Change is hard, especially when it means that she will have to share our time and attention.  Things are different for her now.

The first time Hazel met you, your Dad wanted it to be a special introduction, with only the four of us present.  So Hazel came into the hospital room, at first a bit scared and unsure of the environment.  We consoled her, and told her that everything was okay.  We told her that her baby sister was no longer in Mommy's tummy - that she had arrived.  Then she sat tentatively on the bed with us, looked at you with a mixture of emotions, and said, "Hi, baby Charlie," as she patted your head.  She handed you a stuffed green frog - her welcome gift for you.  This made your Dad cry.  Then your Mom cried, too.  Then Hazel cried, because she didn't really know what was going on, and why everyone was acting so weird.  She'll understand one day, as we retell the story in the future.  I hope we can capture the beauty, depth, sweetness, and vulnerability of that moment when you met your big sister for the first time.   

I am so grateful that you are here.  I am so grateful for your good health.  All ten fingers and toes, and a gorgeous head of full, black hair.   And I am overwhelmed by your beauty - it is endless.  Words cannot describe what I feel, when I look into your deep blue eyes.  Sometimes I feel like you are communicating with your expression... your eyes seem to say "I need you."  I need you, too, baby girl.  You have made me a mother once again.  I don't know if there is any experience in life that is more beautiful, more humbling, more intensely unique.      

All things considered, we are still adjusting to our new lives, with you here on the outside.  But we are thrilled to have become a family of four, because of you.  We know that we are insanely lucky to have you here with us... and are so very, very blessed by you already.

Thank you, baby Charlotte.  And welcome to our world.